Kanyadaan.

The most emotional of all the rituals of the Hindu Brahmin marriage is Kanyadaan, when the father hands over all his rights and duties towards his daughter to her groom. I did it on January twenty first of this year. Yah! It was quite an emotional moment in my life! Nevertheless, this is an occasion every parent looks forward to. Although at the back of my mind the thought that my “Papu” (That’s how I call her.) will no more be mine and she will have a new person in her life was there, still I enjoyed her wedding thoroughly.

Among wedding day rituals, Kanyadaan is the most vital and significant ritual. Kanya Daan literally means gifting away a virgin, the word is actually a combination of two Sanskrit words, Kanya and Daan, wherein Kanya means a virgin and Daan means donation.

Now to the actual process of Kanyadaan.

Papu was made to sit on my lap and was given away as a gift by me to the bridegroom Ashwin.

On Papu’s head, a ring made of Dharbai was placed. And over it a yoke was also placed. The gold Thali was then placed on the aperture of the yoke. And “Jalam’ (holy water) was sprinkled though the aperture. The priests then chanted a mantra which means:

“Let this gold multiply your wealth, Let this water purify your married life, And may your prosperity increase. Offer yourself to your husband.”

The symbolism of the yoke is drawn out of ancient rural life where the only mode of transport for households was the bullock cart. It is supposed to signify that just as a bullock cart cannot run with just one bull the marriage needs both the bride and groom. Both of them have to face their responsibilities together.

Papu was then given a new saree exclusive for the occasion, called the Koorai Pudavai. Normally the colour of this saree is dark maroon, the colour associated with Shakti. This sari was draped around Papu by the sister of the bridegroom, signifying her welcome into the family of the bridegroom. A belt made of reed grass is then tied around Papu’s waist. The priests then chant mantras which meant:

"She stands here pure before the holy fire. As one blessed with boons of a good mind, a healthy body, life-long companionship of her husband and children with long lives. She stands as one who is avowed to stand by her husband virtuously. Be she tied with this reed grass rope to the sacrament of marriage."

Thanksgiving vedic hymns followed, to the celestial caretakers of her childhood, the deities of Soma, Gandharva and Agni. Having attained nobility, Papu was then free to be given over to the care of the human - her man- Ashwin.

The vedic concept underlying this ritual is figuratively that in her infancy Soma giave her the coolness of the moon. In the next stage of life the Gandharvas gave her playfulness and beauty. And when she becomes a maiden Agni gave her passion.

While offering my Papu to Ashwin I chant the following:

“I offer you my daughter: A maiden virtuous, good natured, very wise, decked with ornaments to the best of my abilities. With all that she shall guard your Dharma, Wealth and Love” 

Then Ashwin returned his assurance to me saying three times that he shall remain forever her companion in joy and sorrow, in this life and life after. 

This is the traditional way a Kanyadaan ritual as performed in a Tamil Brahmin wedding.

Now to the specifics and lighter side of my daughter’s marriage! We are Iyers (People who worship lord Shiva) and the groom is an Iyengar (They worship lord Vishnu). Obviously, as you rightly guessed, it was a love marriage! The entire marriage was a mix of two customs. 

Some differences between Iyers and Iyengars which I observed during my daughter’s wedding. The method of wearing the Madisar (Dress worn during Kanyadaan by the bride) is different. The thalaippu of the Koorai pudavai is put on the right side in Iyers but on the left side in Iyengars. (My wife likes the Iyengar way!)

The dhothi is worn in a particular style called Panchakacham in both our customs. But still there is a small difference. We wear them as it is (in white) but Iyengars dip it in turmeric water and make it yellow before wearing it.

During lunch we serve ‘Rasam’ but they call it ‘sathamudhu’.

The serving person in Iyer style says "innum konjam rasam podattuma or innum konjam rasam venuma". But in Iyengars, it goes like "innum konjam saathamudhu Kettukkarela...”

At the wedding lunch Iyers start serving first with ‘Payasam’. Iyengars start serving first with plantain fruit.

Whenever the bride or groom or both do Namaskaram, Iyers do it once, while Iyengars do it 3 times!

These kutti kutti differences made my daughter’s wedding more enjoyable. But we tried to follow tradition to the best of our ability. On the whole it was great fun!


Post script: Majority portion of the mantras chanted by the priests during the wedding are usually in Sanskrit.