Are more marriages in trouble these days?

My answer to this question would be ‘No’ (based completely on the Indian scenario).

The number of marriages in trouble, in my opinion, would almost be the same if you compare it with what was prevailing some thirty or forty years ago in India.

Dissatisfactions or incompatibilities with the spouse were always there. But the number of marriages culminating in a divorce or separation has definitely increased these days. In my view there are two reasons for this – first one being the economic independence of women and the second, change in the mindset of the society.

Number of working women has tremendously increased these days compared to three or four decades back in India. This is the primary reason for increase in the number divorces in India these days.

I am definitely not a MCP and I do not want anyone to misunderstand what I am trying to say here! The need to tolerate her husband has diminished over time. If we look at the situation some forty years back, women were less employed, empowered and enlightened; hence they were most often than not dependent on their husbands.

So in spite of differences they tolerated their husbands although not accepted them wholeheartedly. Although the relationships were miserable the marriage was stable! Women simply resigned themselves to their ‘fate’. The ‘need’ to live with the husband was very high.

This situation has changed drastically in India because of empowerment of women. These days almost all women are employed and hence they have an independent view on matters, which is very good. Their dependence on their husbands is not as it was years ago. So the ‘need’ to stay with her husband has diminished drastically, as she can independently live. The case was not so years back in India.  Another reason women tolerated their husband was polygamy was permitted among Hindus before the Act was passed in 1955.

Other reason women were dependent on men those days – Child marriage. Formerly, child marriages were common. The Child Marriage Act of 1929 was not very effective as such marriages were continued to be performed. Now, however, the bridegroom must be 21 years old and the bride 18 years.

There is no doubt that we are in the midst of a great revolution in the history of women in India. The evidence is everywhere; the voice of women is increasingly heard in Parliament, courts, television and in the streets. While women in the West had to fight for over a century to get some of their basic rights, like the right to vote, the Constitution of India gave women equal rights with men from the beginning.

Unfortunately, women in this country are mostly unaware of their rights because of illiteracy and the oppressive tradition. Many NGOs like Working Women’s Forum are educating women of modern India and the awareness among them is improving drastically these days.

Men can no longer take women for granted in India. The days have changed! They are different now and they are quite independent.

Contrary to sensational reports sometimes appearing in the news-hungry media in both India and other countries, female infanticide, bride burning (for reasons of dowry) and 'sati' (widow burning) are NOT normal in India. Each of these acts is a criminal act and an extremely rare occurrence.

Modern India is different. India has the world’s largest number of professionally qualified women. India has more female doctors, surgeons, scientists and professors than the United States. India has more working women than any other country in the world. This includes female workers at all levels of skill – from the surgeon and the airline pilot to bus conductors and menial labourers.

In spite of all these improvements on an average however, women in India are socially, politically and economically weaker than men. Moves are underway to empower women. There is a National Human Rights Commission for Women that handles all human rights violations against women. There is a National Council for Women that advocates policy for women. There is an entire ministry for women that formulates and implements policies for them.

Women in India have come a long way! From just a skilled homemaker women today have acquired skills and capabilities of not just being a homemaker but being at par with their male counterparts. This is the new generation of women!

Coming back to where I started, the modern women of India need not tolerate her bad husband. She can conveniently call it quits and still be safe and independent.

Given the same circumstances that are prevailing today even women of olden days would have done the same!! 

I like what Robert Anderson said in his play which presents relationships among three married couples:

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce.  The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage: Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire

Just an observation!

Yesterday night I came back from Delhi. On reaching the Delhi airport I was welcomed by the airlines girl at the check-in counter with a sweet smile and the news that my flight was delayed by one hour! So I had to kill nearly 2 hours! I did not have anything to read with me so I was getting terribly bored.

I was seeing people roaming around everywhere, individuals and families. Parents with single kid and two kids. Parents with two daughters, parents with two sons and parents with a daughter and a son. It struck me that there was a pattern when I observed these families. What’s that?

Whenever I saw a family with a son and a daughter, the daughter was always with the dad and the son was always with the mom! Actually I counted the number of families I saw and it was seventeen! (Ten Indian families, two from east and 5 from west) Whenever the children were of the same sex they were together but not with either of the parents.

I know that my sampling was too small to draw any statistically significant conclusion; nevertheless it did reveal a pattern! And the pattern is universal, as my sampling is not from India alone.

I am sure, by now, you must be fully aware that how bored I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Paigah Tombs – History in marbles.

Ask any Hyderbadi ‘where are Paigah tombs?’ 9 out of 10 guys will not know the location! Many of them may not have even heard the name! My daughter and myself knew it is somewhere in old city but did not know the exact location. Even the Andhra Pradesh tourism guys did not have a clue of this marvelous marble heritage. It is a pity! After spending about an hour or so in old city and after checking with at least 20 people we discovered the great Paigah tombs! It is almost invisible by the encroachment of numerous buildings all around.

Once you enter through the dilapidated gate you can see the stunning collection of tombs in marble! There is no one inside, barring a man and his family; I guess he is the watch man and no ticket is to be bought to enter this place. Totally isolated! Of course, it is very good for photography because you can shoot anything, without the disturbance of stupid people who do not bother to cross you when you are shooting something. This is something many people need to learn, especially in India! 

Paigah tombs were built during the eighteenth century by Nawab Taig Jung Bahadur and Later by his son Amir e Kabir I. Paigah were nobles who enjoyed closeness to the Nizam of Hyderabad and they had the responsibility of security and defense of the state. The tombs are an array of mausoleums built for Paigah family. These tombs bear witness to the rich historical legacy of India, fine carving and intricate mosaic work of Muslim architects and their creations in India.

Abdul Fateh Khan Tegh Jung was the founder of the Paigah nobility.

The style of architecture is unique to the Paigah tombs. The tombs are magnificent structures, decorated in stucco work, and represent the Moghal, Greek, Persian, Asaf Jahi, Rajasthani and Deccani style of architecture. The geometrical designs in the Paigah Tombs are unique and are perforated with screens with great craftsmanship.

From the photographs one can understand the beauty of this structure. One can observe the intricate work on marbles with inlay work. They were studded with precious stones. Of course, today nothing is there as they were all stolen and even what remains is stunningly beautiful. It is very sad that such a wonderful monument is totally neglected by every one!!!

Hyderabadis, please take a note this fantastic pieces of architecture and try to preserve it!

Created with flickr slideshow.

Visual Pollution.

I was mighty impressed when I read that in 2007 Sao Paulo’s right wing mayor Gilberto Kassab, banned outdoor advertising in the name of what he called “Visual Pollution”, his first move in a larger clean city law initiative. 

I thought such a law should come in Tamil Nadu too. The number of film posters and various other posters which we see on the walls of Chennai is appalling. Every time there is an election all the empty surfaces are stuck with posters or painted with an election message. Faces of politicians - everywhere you turn. Besides this the numerous billboards! They call it cut out. (I am not sure if cut out and billboard are same) Major users of billboards in Chennai are film makers and politicians. In Tamil Nadu the size of the cut out is directly proportional to the popularity of the film star or the politician. How absurd it is! Besides this they even stick posters or write election slogans on the pillars of all flyovers! They also have advertising surfaces on the government busses and taxis and even on the autos!!!

In addition to this many companies put their billboards in the name of brand communication. But they do not spoil the city as much as it is done by posters. But the place where they keep the billboards is very important because recently a high court order was required to remove the billboards from the area around Chennai airport as it obstructed the view of the run ways to the pilots while landing!

In short, our public empty surfaces have become a canvas on which anyone can write or post anything!

When I visited Madurai last month I was bombarded by numerous posters and billboards of Azhagiri everywhere. Looks as though he owns the entire city! Azhagiri auto stand, Azhagiri cycle stand, Azhagiri bus stand and Azhagiri everything! 

His brother has ventured on a program called “Singara Chennai” (Which attempts to make Chennai city beautiful) but he did not think it is important to ban posters and billboards in Chennai in this initiative of his. He does not understand the fact that if he can ban posters alone, Chennai will become 25% more beautiful! His initiative is commendable, but he needs to take care of this aspect too.

When T N Seshan was the CEC, he brought a rule that no contesting party should either stick a poster or paint on the walls their advertising campaign message. To some extent it reduced the menace during his times. But later on this rule is conveniently forgotten by the politicians.

Contrastingly this poster or billboard culture is not seen that much in Hyderabad city. Cinema posters can hardly be seen in Hyderabad. The space below the flyover is given to corporate houses for maintenance. No posters. No writings! It is clean and neat. These corporate houses maintain a garden with good illumination. It looks descent and civilized! Can’t Tamil Nadu government  learn from Hyderabadis?

Charminar

In my series of posts on Mogul or Islamic architecture, the first one is obviously from Hyderabad, the city I love!

CHARMINAR, is the icon of Hyderabad city. Pride of every Hyderabadi! Perhaps visualising Hyderabad without Charminar is near impossibility! It is an imposing structure in the old city of Hyderabad, often compared with Arc de Triomphe of Paris. Charminar is the pivot around which the glory and history of the city have developed. 

 

This superb monument was built by Sultan Muhammad Quli Qutub Shah, the 5th ruler of the Qutb Shahi dynasty 1591 shortly after he had shifted his capital from Golkonda to Hyderabad. The story goes like this; He built Charminar to commemorate the elimination of a plague epidemic from this city. He is said to have prayed for the end of a plague that was ravaging his city and vowed to build a masjid (Islamic mosque) at the very place where he was praying. In 1591 while laying the foundation of Charminar, he prayed: "Oh Allah, bestow unto this city peace and prosperity. Let millions of men of all castes, creeds and religions make it their abode, like fish in the water." Today one can see the city as evidence of the prayer being answered. The Mosque became popularly known as Charminar because of its four (Hindi char = four) minarets (Minar (Arabic manara) = spire/tower). The point to be noted here is that he prayed for people of all casts and religion! Such was the religious tolerance those days! Very admirable! 

 

 

This beautiful colossus in granite, lime, mortar and, some say, even pulverized marble, was at one time the heart of the city. The wonderful monument with its four arches was so proportionately planned that when the fort was opened one could catch a glimpse of the bustling Hyderabad city as these Charminar arches were facing the most active royal ancestral streets. There is also a legend of an underground tunnel connecting the palace at Golkonda to Charminar, possibly intended as an escape route for the Qutub Shahi rulers in case of a siege, though the exact location of the tunnel is unknown.

Charminar has the signature style of Islamic architecture. This great tribute to aesthetics looks sturdy and solid from a distance but as one moves closer, it emerges as an elegant and romantic edifice proclaiming its architectural eminence in all its detail and dignity. Charminar looks equally spectacular at night when it is illuminated. Apart from being the core of the city’s cultural milieu, today it has become a brand name.

 

Charminar is a beautiful and impressive square monument. Each side measures 20 m, and each of the corners has a tall, pointed minaret. These four gracefully carved minarets soar to a height of 48.7 m above the ground, commanding the landscape for miles around. Each minaret has four stories, marked by a delicately carved ring around the minaret. Unlike the Taj Mahal, Charminar's four fluted minarets are built into the main structure. Inside the minarets 149 winding steps guide the visitor to the top floor. From the highest point one can have a panoramic view of old city of Hyderabad.

In 1889 a clock was installed in the balcony of Charminar, which is in working condition even today! The masjid occuoies the fourth floor of Charminar. Inside the Charminar very beautiful and intricate calligraphic work can be seen. There are four arches on all four sides of Charminar. Each arch is 11 meters wide and 20 meters tall! It’s a sight to see Charminar during Ramadan month as the entire structure will be illuminated.

 

This monument is 400 years old.            

  

Created with flickr slideshow.                   

Islamic or Mogul architecture in India

I will be posting in parts many posts under this title. Each one will try to cover one Mogul monument or an Islamic place of worship.

The first part will be a sort of introduction to this topic as I see it. Of course all the posts under this title will have lot of photographs!

I have been trying to understand the difference between Mogul architecture and Islamic architecture. When I checked this with an orthodox Mohammedan friend of mine Mr.  Mohamed Moyeed, this is what he said - Any building built for the purpose of prayer or related stuff is Islamic architecture. E.g. a Mosque. Mogul architecture is any non worship place E.g. Taj Mahal, Akbar’s Tomb etc. According to him as per the Islamic scripture building a tomb or a memorial for a dead person is not allowed. Kuran says when a person dies; there should not be any structure or anything of that sort as a remembrance of the dead person.   

Mogul or Islamic architecture is all monumental places or places of worship that were built in India during the Mogul dynasty between 1526 and 1707. Architecture is probably the greatest contribution of Moguls to India. They have left behind the most enduring and influential architectural legacy. Before coming to India, they have inherited a wealth of varied designs from Sassanian (The Sasanian Empire was the last pre-Islamic Persian Empire) and Byzantine empires (The Byzantine Empire was the Roman Empire during the Middle Ages, ruled by Byzantine emperors). They are naturally endowed with good taste for buildings, never failed to adapt to their own requirements the indigenous architecture of almost every foreign country that they conquered. India was no exception to this. 

New elements like use of shapes; inlay decoration and use of coloured marble, painted plaster and brilliantly blazed tiles were introduced into the Indian architecture. As per the literature available the concept of arch or dome was not invented by the Muslims but was, in fact, borrowed and was further perfected by them from the architectural styles of the post-Roman period. It is said that the Muslims were the first people to use cementing agents in the form of mortar for the first time in the construction of buildings in India. From other civilisations they have derived some scientific and mechanical formulae in their constructions in India. This amalgamation of the Indian and the Islamic elements led to the emergence of a new style of architecture called the Indo-Islamic Architecture.

 

New elements like use of shapes; inlay decoration and use of coloured marble, painted plaster and brilliantly blazed tiles were introduced into the Indian architecture. As per the literature available the concept of arch or dome was not invented by the Muslims but was, in fact, borrowed and was further perfected by them from the architectural styles of the post-Roman period. It is said that the Muslims were the first people to use cementing agents in the form of mortar for the first time in the construction of buildings in India. From other civilisations they have derived some scientific and mechanical formulae in their constructions in India. This amalgamation of the Indian and the Islamic elements led to the emergence of a new style of architecture called the Indo-Islamic Architecture.

The architecture made tremendous progress during the Islamic rule in India. The greatest contributions came under the rule of Akbar and Shah Jahan. The Indo-Islamic Architecture was neither strictly Islamic nor strictly Hindu. They added arches, domes and minarets to the indigenous architecture. The Muslims borrowed the design of kalash on the top of the Hindu temple by placing a dome on the top of their buildings. The Hindu style of decoration was applied by the Muslims to decorate their arches.

Even before the arrival of Moguls, India has already reached the pinnacle in architecture. The temples at Thanjavur, Seerghazhi, Chidambaram, Kumbakonam, Kancheepuram, Rameshwaram, Madurai, Konark, Belur, Khajuraho and Halebid and forts at Orcha and Vellore, bear testimony to the architectural excellence of Indian rulers. The arrival of Moguls only added another dimension to Indian architecture.

Coming back to Mogul architecture, the best places in India where we can see lot of it is Delhi, Lucknow, Agra, Fathepursikri and Hyderabad. Since the capital of Mogul empire alternated among the north Indian cities of Agra and Delhi, until Delhi became the permanent seat under Shah Jahan, this is where most of the great works of Mogul Empire are concentrated. Besides these two places the Mogul architecture can also be seen in cities like, Lucknow, Fathepursikri and Hyderabad. Luckily, I had the opportunity of seeing all these cities except Fathepursikri because, Hyderabad is my home town, and Delhi is the place where I have been domiciled for the past two years!  Agra and Lucknow are close to Delhi. Unfortunately I never had the chance of visiting Fathepursikri although I went up to Agra. Bad luck! There is always a next time I guess!

F A N T A S Y

Today's 24x7 world order leaves little room for entertainment, social life, exercise and regular eating and sleeping patterns. Time is being converted into money and personal priorities take back seats as corporate interests and personal ambitions take center stage.

Will ‘Fantasy’ have a therapeutic effect on de-stressing? I am not sure, but, basically since it is a good diversion, escape from reality and almost all fantasies are pleasant in some way or other, I presume it can have a positive effect on de-stressing.

When talking about fantasy I would like to quote what Albert Einstein said. He said, “When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking.”

Sometimes fantasy can become destructive, if it serves as a constant refuge from the world of reality and a source of delusions, in which case the subject would need a psychiatric intervention!

Various definitions for Fantasy:

Mental images or imaginary narratives that distort or entirely depart from reality.

The power of the mind to form images.

The tendency to escape from daily reality or routine.

An exciting and unusual experience or situation you imagine happening to you, but which will probably never happen.

An idea or belief that is based only on imagination, not on real facts.

Imagery that is more or less coherent, as in dreams and daydreams, yet unrestricted by reality.

All of us indulge in fantasy in our day to day life. We know for sure that one man cannot fight with twenty men and win the fight. But, still, films like Gajini, Mission Impossible and Shivaji, to name a few, were all a super duper success, where in Amir Khan, Tom Cruise and Rajinikant fight with twenty guys and win the fight! This is not real but fantasy! We have enjoyed these films -which means, we have endorsed or indulged in Fantasy? “What people really want in the theatre is fantasy involvement and not reality involvement. People go to theatre for diversion, change of scene and entertainment. While we are in the theatre we escape from reality, for that two or three hours.  One definition of fantasy is - The tendency to escape from daily reality or routine by indulging in daydreaming or entertainment.

Then the recent successful novels - seven fantasy novels of J. K. Rowling and The Lord of the Rings, again a fantasy novel written by J. R. R. Tolkien. Although these novels were written for children, I know many adults have thoroughly enjoyed reading these novels. All these novels are total fantasy. We all know it is not real. But, still we enjoy this.

Why do people read fantasy? The answer is that people are searching for 'escape.' While reading these novels we actually live in a surrealist fantasy world and temporarily escape from reality. This acts as a diversion or change of scene, which actually refreshes us, a kind of stress buster!

Fantasy represents a retreat from the harsh world of competition and commerce. It provides an opportunity to forget the day-to-day problems and indulge in something that gives diversion/pleasure to the individual who indulges in fantasizing. This diversion is very essential and actually relieves tension.

Most of us have things that we would love to tell our boss, but would only say if we were dying or quitting for a much better job. Bosses and jobs like that cause unneeded stress in our lives.

Studies conducted by clinical psychologists have revealed something very interesting and informative. In these studies the subject is encouraged to fantasise that his boss is sitting next to him in his car. Then the subject is asked to utter loudly every sarcastic, mean and vindictive thing the subject wanted to tell his boss.

This may sound laughable, but studies have shown that saying something out loud can help people release the negative emotions they carry around with them over the course of daily life. Studies have also shown that people who have this type of fantasy life are also more emotionally well-adjusted than people who don't!

Sexual fantasies are sexual thoughts and images created in the mind that provide an outlet to the sexual feelings of human beings. Men and women generally indulge in sexual fantasies in their dreams and this helps them to get rid of physical exhaustion. If a person most frequently finds himself having sexual fantasies, it doesn’t imply that he is suffering from any specific ailment or disease. Mental health practitioners around the world admit that it is absolutely normal to have sex related fantasies and they cite sexual fantasizing as a most frequently adopted measure to gain sexual relief. Someone said and I quote here - “Love is the exchange of two fantasies and the contact of two skins.”

I think it is reasonably OK to say that Fantasy does have a de-stressor effect! I do not know who said this but when you need diversion - “Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy”